In the Interest of Full Disclosure

I think nooks and kindles and every form of e-readers are an abomination.

A book isn’t quite a book unless it’s a book.

Books aren’t just meant to be read, they’re meant to be held and sniffed and stacked and dog-eared.

You don’t just look at the words, you cry and your tears leave that little round ripple on the page.

Books shouldn’t be in glass cases, they should be tucked in your shoulder bag or tossed on a bedside table or wedged into your coat pocket.

Books are roadmaps of where you’ve been; they stand on the shelf as the quiet companions of your past. They are the guardians of your memories. They are the most faithful lovers.

You can’t plug in a book. Books don’t run out of batteries.

You can keep your tablets and nooks and cold, slick readers. I shall stick to paper and binding and books.

Cecilia

I am standing in line at the New Hill post office, minding my own business. I have two books in my arms because I need to buy a box to ship them in. I hear the bells on the door jingle, but don't give it much thought.

"You have the most BEAUTiful hayer," comes a hushed and happy voice.

"Oh, thank you," I say, turning around to see an old woman, wrapped head to toe in scarves, jackets, socks and boots.

"It's really beautiful. Merry Christmas," she goes on. "Are you shippin books? Ah am not an avid reader, but Ah am tryin to be. That is so good that you are a reader. Ah am Cecilia. What is your name?"


"I'm Emma," I say, absolutely unable to stop smiling at the wondrousness.

"Elma?"

"Emma, E-M-M-A."

"OH Emma, hello Emma. Is thayet your husband out thayer waitin for you?" She points to an old man with a white beard in the pickup outside.

"No, no, I'm not sure who that is."

"Well thayen how did you get here? Ahr you from New Heel?"

"Yes, I am!"

"Well thank God for you!" She seems genuinely relieved that I am a local, as if my soul is safe and all is well with the world. "Did you know that Santy Clause works back thayer? Hello Santy Clause!"

The post mistress peeks around the client she's helping. "He's already gone to deliver the mail, Cecilia. Rob's back there."

"Forgive me Rob, Ah thought you were Santy," Cecilia hollers through the outgoing mail slot, then nods at the post mistress. "That is Mae. Mae can do anything. Do you see her royal gloves? She wayers purple gloves because she is a hero. She stands in the gap for the Master."

I am awed. Clearly Mae is a powerful woman of God.

Cecilia continues. "The Post Master, thayet is."

It is my turn to be helped, so I hand over my books to Mae. "Do you have a box that could fit these?" Since Mae can do all things through power of the Post Master who sustains her, it does not enter my head that I will leave with anything other than success.

Mae looks troubled. "I'm not sure we have the right boxes," she says as she rummages about.

"Oh," I say, a little crestfallen. If I can't get a box at the New Hill post office then I will have to go to the Apex location, which is the stuff of nightmares during the Christmas season.

"Ah have a box," Cecilia pipes in. "Ah pulled it from the garbage on Thursday. Let me go geeyit that box for you." She hands her parcel over the counter and disappears outside.

I'm not sure what to think. Mae has clearly experienced this before. She calmly continues to look around. "Well," she says, "the best I've got is priority shipping, which is five dollars."

"I don't mind five dollars." She hands over the box and I try to assemble it while she begins rustling for some packing tape. I soon see, however, that this box is too small. "I don't think I can fit both books into it." Just as I am handing the box back, Cecilia reappears -- wielding a cardboard box festooned with tape and labels.

"Thank God for this box," she's saying. "And thank God for you for needin this box. Ah think this is just the right size."

"Well, Cecilia, I'm afraid we don't have any tape to package up the box," says Mae patiently.

Cecilia is still busily tucking my books into her raggedy but quite functional box. She stuffs some crinkled newspaper into some of the negative space. "Ah read this paper last week and this article was very good. It will keep the books from shiftin. What is thayet about tape?"

"We are all out of tape," Mae repeats.

"Well you have some right thayer on the wall." Cecilia obligingly points to the displays of tape rolls for sale.

"Well those are three dollars each--" Mae begins.

I am just about to say that I don't mind buying a roll of tape since it will get used eventually, but Cecilia waves her hands in the air and says, "This young lady cannot afford that. Ah have some clear duck tape at my house. Ah will go and get it for you. Did you know that clear duck tape is the strongest? It is like regular duck tape, but clear." She double wraps her scarf against the bone-chilling 50 degree air and marches purposefully out the door.

Mae starts to weigh my package. "I'm sure she'll be right back," she says. "I'll just print up your shipping label so that you can pay and be ready to go."

I have just signed the receipt when Cecilia bursts back in. "This is clear duck tape. It is the strongest kind of tape. Here, you hold this box closed and Ah will put this duck tape on it."

She stretches a long piece of tape over the seam of the top. At this moment, the Post Master (who is actually a lady) comes through the front door. "Sue," Cecilia says in a voice of delighted doom, "thayer is no tape here. Ah had to get this poor young lady some tape so she could mail her books."

Sue looks a little baffled. "We have rolls of tape for sale, Cecilia."

"Forgive me Sue, you are right. Ah should not have said thayet. You are right, Ah do not know what Ah was thinkin." Meanwhile, Cecilia has been deftly mummifying the box. She pauses to survey her handiwork. "Ah will just put one more piece on. Thayer, Ah feel much mower secure. You have been so smart, shippin these books this way. Look, they are goin to Raleigh. You have saved so much money on gas this way."

"Cecilia," I say, still quite overcome by delight and respect for this woman's generosity. "Thank you so much. You are truly the kindest person I have met in a long time."

"Well, you are from New Heel. People don't treat each other right anymore, but you are New Heel and I will take cayer of my people." She goes in for a hug and I cannot refuse. "Goodbye Emma," she says. "Marry Christmas. Happy New Year. Happy Hanukkah!"

Things I Don't Understand #1

Hipster glasses.

lol i'm cooler than you

What is the appeal of this? 

I mean really. Most of the popular ones look like 3D glasses with the lenses taken out. They're meant for dress-up. Or you know, seeing better and stuff. 

I know glasses are theoretically supposed to make you look smarter, and don't get me wrong, I love a good pair of specs. But these, these pieces of plastic are not for improved vision or perceptible IQ. These are for show, for telling the world that you don't care about their preconceived notions of beauty, that you are forging your own unique trail of fashion... along with every other gullible shopper. I think hipster glasses actually make people look stupid.

And when somebody posts a picture of themselves all hipstered out with their ironically unhip, unkempt clothes and oversized geeky glasses, such as this:

"you wouldn't understand this fashion statement, emma"

I have to shake my head and laugh a little, because in twenty years, people will look back at those photos and wonder, "What was I thinking?" 

I am asking that question now. What ARE they thinking?

Flying

Whenever I'm in a plane, I wonder if we'll use up all the runway before we get off the ground. Come on, pilot. I really think you should lift off now.

That's really just very silly of me because, of course, I can't see how much runway is left. Even if I could, I have no idea how much a plane needs to take off.

I am struck by how that mirrors my confidence in God's timing. Oh no, God!  I wail. I'm going to run out of strength and grace if You don't take off soon! I'm going to crash and burn!  I say this while I look out of a tiny peephole that cannot even begin to capture the scope of where I'm going.

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Be patient. There is enough runway.

Obviously God knows what He’s doing.

Let's be honest, my mind goes here too.

For the First Time

I am starting to realize that real life is so much better than books.

Seven Random Things

Because Hannah tagged me. :)

1) I genuinely cannot understand people who don't like to read.

2) I've kept the ticket stubs of every movie I've gone to since I was eleven. The first one is Fellowship. The latest one is Captain America. There are 106 in between.

3) I just discovered that I like black tea so much better than coffee. Where have you been all my life, delicious English Breakfast? Oh honey, you make my heart sing.

4) When I use the bathroom at somebody else's house, I ALWAYS check behind the shower curtain for ax murderers. ALWAYS.

5) Someone once exclaimed "It's like a library in here!" when she entered my room and that's the best compliment I've ever received. :)

6) I have three particular teacups - one for tea, one for coffee, and one for hot chocolate. I cannot drink said drink unless it's out of its cup.

7) Seven is my favourite number!

Lindy, I choose you!

Surrendering My Teaspoonful

So lately I've been realizing that my plans and God's plans might not be exactly the same.

Um.... hmm.

I've always assumed it was just a timing thing. Okay, God, I can wait for my plans to come about. I don't mind if it takes a few years... But there's this sense of entitlement that my plans are going to happen because I obviously know best. It doesn't even occur to me that God might have something else in mind.

Specifically, these ruminations have been related to marriage. It is my dream, my plan if you will, to marry and have a family. I've wanted to adopt children for as long as I can remember. Lately, I've been pining for it. How ready do I have to be, God? You've given me these desires and You are not cruel. Surely You won't fill my heart with dreams and then withhold them from me?

Elisabeth Elliot encourages her single readers to view their singleness as a gift to be given as a fragrant offering to God. But she acknowledges that "to make that gift an offering may be the most costly thing one can do, for it means the laying down of a cherished dream of what one wanted to be, and the acceptance of what one did not want to be." (The Path of Loneliness)

That made me cry a little bit. I don't want to, was pretty much all I could whine to God.

Over the next couple days, I quietly realized that, unlike me, God is not planning my whole life around marriage. Whether it's in His plans or not, He is working for my good right now. He's not just saying, Ok let's get Emma prepped to get married. Oh wow, she's being really immature today. Add another year until she meets Fabrizio*.  No! It's not like that at all. Yes, He is preparing me to become whoever I'll grow up to be, but He's put me in this place because it's good for me right now.

"If you ask your Father for bread, he will not give you a stone. If you ask him for a fish, he will not give you a serpent (see Matt. 7:9-10). It may not be bread. And it may not be a fish. But it will be good for you. That is what he promises (Rom. 8:28)."
John Piper, Suffering and the Sovereignty of God

Let's get honest here. I sincerely hope that I don't stay single forever. I certainly don't want to stay in this job forever. But I can lay down my cherished dreams and accept what I don't want to be -- although I won't lie, I cry about it sometimes. When I cry, though, I can rest in the knowledge that even though it's not bread and fish, it is good for me.

"With what misgivings we turn over our lives to God, imagining somehow that we are about to lose everything that matters. Our hesitancy is like that of a tiny shell on the seashore, afraid to give up the teaspoonful of water it holds lest there not be enough in the ocean to fill it again. Lose your life, said Jesus, and you will find it. Give up, and I will give you all. Can the shell imagine the depth and plenitude of the ocean? Can you and I fathom the riches, the fullness, of God's love?"
Elisabeth Elliot, The Path of Loneliness

*Fabrizio is our family's name for whoever I marry

Fifteen Characters

The Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. List fifteen fictional characters (television, films, plays, books, etc.) who've influenced you and that will always stick with you. 

1. Eowyn - The Lord of the Rings

I love her bravery and her tragedy. And I like that she finds Faramir in a way and place that she never expected. She wasn't looking, she was heartbroken, and tada! Just the right guy happens to be across the hall.

2. Bigwig - Watership Down

Yeah yeah, he's a bunny. But he's a brave bunny! He saw what needed doing and did it. He didn't allow his fear to master him, even though he put his life on the line multiple times to protect or save his bunny brethren. 

3. The Pevensies - The Chronicles of Narnia books

I couldn't pick just one. Peter, because he has always been my ideal of manliness. Susan, because her life was a warning. Edmund, because he was a betrayer but humbly turned back to Aslan. Lucy, because she never lost faith.

4. Catherine Morland - Northanger Abbey

The nearest and dearest of all Jane Austen's heroines. 

5. Samantha Carter - Stargate SG-1

She rides a motorcycle, she can pick locks, she knows how to dress up, and she's literally a genius. She can keep up the guys but she's not ashamed to cry. She awesome! 

6. Eponine - Les Miserables

I guess I don't really like Eponine as a person, but her story is fascinating. And I really got to know her, per se, so I think I'll always have a lot of sympathy toward her.

7. The Doctor - Doctor Who

Specifically Ten, of course. I didn't really learn anything wonderful from this character, but he's the first character that has made me cry THAT MUCH. *cries*

8.  Horatio Hornblower - The Horatio Hornblower Series

He is the most tangibly, immediately real character I've ever read; C.S. Forester wasn't shy about giving him quirks and flaws and shortcomings and humanity. 

9.  Zuko - The Last Airbender

I LOVE REDEMPTION STORIES, and his is one of my favourites. Also, I was pretty much in love with his many hairstyles.

10. Truvy - Steel Magnolias

She's a huge part of why I chose to be a hairdresser!

11. Anne Shirley - Anne of Green Gables, etc

Anne has such a beautiful way of looking at life. She's the girl I always wanted to be, with her grey eyes and grace.

12. Elphaba - Wicked

What girl has not, at some point, felt beautifully tragic?

13. Dorcas Lane - Lark Rise to Candleford

Her reactions to difficulties are always charming and encouraging. In particular, when *spoilers* Minnie ruins her mother's wedding dress, she is obviously heartbroken. But instead of blaming Minnie and sending her away, she gently resolves to teach Minnie respect and self-discipline. She is mature, but full of mischief.

14. The Cast of Firefly

Again, I couldn't just pick one -- some stand out more than others but as a whole they are such a rich array of people. Their camaraderie and courage and fears and failures are so believable and endearing that I cannot help but love them all. 

15. Mrs. Miniver - Mrs Miniver

She clarified and beautified so many things for me. She could see beauty in nearly everything, sometimes an odd beauty, but she always managed to draw contentment and joy in her surroundings. 








Because I love the Lion King thiiiiiiiis much

The Grand Adventure of Staying Behind

A couple weeks ago I was talking with my dear friend Laura Katherine and I mentioned to her how there are a few people I always keep "on my radar," meaning I'm always aware of them in a room and in my prayers. I quietly watch over these people because I love them best.

"Who are you talking about?" she asked.
"Oh, Abby, Nathaniel, you..." said I.
"So, basically your family," she laughed.

Yeah, pretty much.

She's going away to college this week. I am excited for her. This is good, this feels so solidly right that there is no doubt God has grandly orchestrated it. She will learn and grow -- and she will help others learn and grow. I am certain that her presence there will be an unlooked-for answer to prayer for some of the people around her.

I know this because she is such an important part of my own growing and learning. Her fingerprints are all over my life: books and letters and drawings clutter up the nooks in my room. More than that, she is a teacher, confidante, playmate, sounding board, bosom friend. So much of me is made from what I've learned from her.

Part of me is freaking out that she's leaving. Who will I watch over? Who will watch over me?

God is still sovereign, even over goodbyes. And I remind myself that this is in no way a goodbye, it's a "see you soon." I mourn the end of a season but I look forward to different seasons.

For now, I am here... on a grand adventure at home.

Our Prom Date... sort of.

High Fives and Trust Falls

Have you ever gone in for a high five and your partner in crime jerks away at the last second? To the other person, it's a haha-gotchya! moment, but to me, it's BETRAYAL.

It's a betrayal because I am very, very bad at high fives. I go up, I line up, I mess up. My coordination is just that lame. Yes, I've tried the trick of watching the other person's elbow. IT DOESN'T WORK GUYS. Instead of crisply smacking my partner's palm with my own fleshy extremity, I aim for their elbow. It results in an awkward chase as my hand goes down and they try to follow. I can't tell you how many of my high fives go like this:

"High five!"
"Yeah!"
*awkward chase*
"Oh, let's try that again."

Despite this, I always give it my all. I love high fives. They're the all-purpose contact sport of communication. You just had a baby? High five!  Saying goodbye to a random acquaintance and you don't want to hug them? High five!  It's time for ice cream? High fives all around!  And when you give a really good high five, the kind that makes a sharp cracking sound and your palm sting a little but not too much, you achieve high five mastery for the day. It's pretty much worthy of another high five.

So when somebody pulls that haha-gotchya! thing on me, I really feel hurt. Not because they just made me look even stupider than I usually do during a high five. It's because when we're winding up for a high five, it's a commitment. I'm going to smack your hand and you're going to smack mine. We have entered a morally binding contract until smacking do us part. If you pull that high five, you have essentially served me divorce papers. I'm taking the house AND the kids!

Don't do this, people. If you were doing trust falls, would you hold your arms out until your partner turned around but then let them fall to the ground? No. You wouldn't, because that would be a betrayal.


What they do? They're smiling in your face!