The Ongoing Quest for the Perfect Cardie

Today I unironically bought a literal boyfriend cardigan... meaning it's literally a cardigan for a man, as in I pretended to have a small boyfriend for whom I was buying a cardigan when in reality I was just buying a man's cardigan for myself. 

Pros: 
-The V-neck comes up really high, apparently guys don't like showing off their cleavage???
-Elbow padding! or whatever that extra layer of fabric over the elbow part is called 
-Pockets! More importantly, pockets that are big enough for your entire hand instead of a finger and a half
-Super sturdy buttons, these things might as well be made of titanium compared to the flimsy shiny buttons on my ladies' cardies

Cons:
-The sleeves are made to accommodate manly muscles so my slender feminine arms are sort of drowning in here
-Not soft, but then again there's no point for a MAN'S cardigan to be soft when it's just going to rub against their manly hairy arms
-I realized the reason that the V-neck often comes so low on women's cardies is to create the illusion of a slender waist -- needless to say this cardigan has no such froufery, in fact I think its general shape is that of a pumpkin

Final verdict:
Boyfriend cardigans as marketed to women are sort of the same thing as Chinese buffets: they are comforting and delicious, but nothing like the real thing.