For the First Time

I am starting to realize that real life is so much better than books.

Seven Random Things

Because Hannah tagged me. :)

1) I genuinely cannot understand people who don't like to read.

2) I've kept the ticket stubs of every movie I've gone to since I was eleven. The first one is Fellowship. The latest one is Captain America. There are 106 in between.

3) I just discovered that I like black tea so much better than coffee. Where have you been all my life, delicious English Breakfast? Oh honey, you make my heart sing.

4) When I use the bathroom at somebody else's house, I ALWAYS check behind the shower curtain for ax murderers. ALWAYS.

5) Someone once exclaimed "It's like a library in here!" when she entered my room and that's the best compliment I've ever received. :)

6) I have three particular teacups - one for tea, one for coffee, and one for hot chocolate. I cannot drink said drink unless it's out of its cup.

7) Seven is my favourite number!

Lindy, I choose you!

Surrendering My Teaspoonful

So lately I've been realizing that my plans and God's plans might not be exactly the same.

Um.... hmm.

I've always assumed it was just a timing thing. Okay, God, I can wait for my plans to come about. I don't mind if it takes a few years... But there's this sense of entitlement that my plans are going to happen because I obviously know best. It doesn't even occur to me that God might have something else in mind.

Specifically, these ruminations have been related to marriage. It is my dream, my plan if you will, to marry and have a family. I've wanted to adopt children for as long as I can remember. Lately, I've been pining for it. How ready do I have to be, God? You've given me these desires and You are not cruel. Surely You won't fill my heart with dreams and then withhold them from me?

Elisabeth Elliot encourages her single readers to view their singleness as a gift to be given as a fragrant offering to God. But she acknowledges that "to make that gift an offering may be the most costly thing one can do, for it means the laying down of a cherished dream of what one wanted to be, and the acceptance of what one did not want to be." (The Path of Loneliness)

That made me cry a little bit. I don't want to, was pretty much all I could whine to God.

Over the next couple days, I quietly realized that, unlike me, God is not planning my whole life around marriage. Whether it's in His plans or not, He is working for my good right now. He's not just saying, Ok let's get Emma prepped to get married. Oh wow, she's being really immature today. Add another year until she meets Fabrizio*.  No! It's not like that at all. Yes, He is preparing me to become whoever I'll grow up to be, but He's put me in this place because it's good for me right now.

"If you ask your Father for bread, he will not give you a stone. If you ask him for a fish, he will not give you a serpent (see Matt. 7:9-10). It may not be bread. And it may not be a fish. But it will be good for you. That is what he promises (Rom. 8:28)."
John Piper, Suffering and the Sovereignty of God

Let's get honest here. I sincerely hope that I don't stay single forever. I certainly don't want to stay in this job forever. But I can lay down my cherished dreams and accept what I don't want to be -- although I won't lie, I cry about it sometimes. When I cry, though, I can rest in the knowledge that even though it's not bread and fish, it is good for me.

"With what misgivings we turn over our lives to God, imagining somehow that we are about to lose everything that matters. Our hesitancy is like that of a tiny shell on the seashore, afraid to give up the teaspoonful of water it holds lest there not be enough in the ocean to fill it again. Lose your life, said Jesus, and you will find it. Give up, and I will give you all. Can the shell imagine the depth and plenitude of the ocean? Can you and I fathom the riches, the fullness, of God's love?"
Elisabeth Elliot, The Path of Loneliness

*Fabrizio is our family's name for whoever I marry

Fifteen Characters

The Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. List fifteen fictional characters (television, films, plays, books, etc.) who've influenced you and that will always stick with you. 

1. Eowyn - The Lord of the Rings

I love her bravery and her tragedy. And I like that she finds Faramir in a way and place that she never expected. She wasn't looking, she was heartbroken, and tada! Just the right guy happens to be across the hall.

2. Bigwig - Watership Down

Yeah yeah, he's a bunny. But he's a brave bunny! He saw what needed doing and did it. He didn't allow his fear to master him, even though he put his life on the line multiple times to protect or save his bunny brethren. 

3. The Pevensies - The Chronicles of Narnia books

I couldn't pick just one. Peter, because he has always been my ideal of manliness. Susan, because her life was a warning. Edmund, because he was a betrayer but humbly turned back to Aslan. Lucy, because she never lost faith.

4. Catherine Morland - Northanger Abbey

The nearest and dearest of all Jane Austen's heroines. 

5. Samantha Carter - Stargate SG-1

She rides a motorcycle, she can pick locks, she knows how to dress up, and she's literally a genius. She can keep up the guys but she's not ashamed to cry. She awesome! 

6. Eponine - Les Miserables

I guess I don't really like Eponine as a person, but her story is fascinating. And I really got to know her, per se, so I think I'll always have a lot of sympathy toward her.

7. The Doctor - Doctor Who

Specifically Ten, of course. I didn't really learn anything wonderful from this character, but he's the first character that has made me cry THAT MUCH. *cries*

8.  Horatio Hornblower - The Horatio Hornblower Series

He is the most tangibly, immediately real character I've ever read; C.S. Forester wasn't shy about giving him quirks and flaws and shortcomings and humanity. 

9.  Zuko - The Last Airbender

I LOVE REDEMPTION STORIES, and his is one of my favourites. Also, I was pretty much in love with his many hairstyles.

10. Truvy - Steel Magnolias

She's a huge part of why I chose to be a hairdresser!

11. Anne Shirley - Anne of Green Gables, etc

Anne has such a beautiful way of looking at life. She's the girl I always wanted to be, with her grey eyes and grace.

12. Elphaba - Wicked

What girl has not, at some point, felt beautifully tragic?

13. Dorcas Lane - Lark Rise to Candleford

Her reactions to difficulties are always charming and encouraging. In particular, when *spoilers* Minnie ruins her mother's wedding dress, she is obviously heartbroken. But instead of blaming Minnie and sending her away, she gently resolves to teach Minnie respect and self-discipline. She is mature, but full of mischief.

14. The Cast of Firefly

Again, I couldn't just pick one -- some stand out more than others but as a whole they are such a rich array of people. Their camaraderie and courage and fears and failures are so believable and endearing that I cannot help but love them all. 

15. Mrs. Miniver - Mrs Miniver

She clarified and beautified so many things for me. She could see beauty in nearly everything, sometimes an odd beauty, but she always managed to draw contentment and joy in her surroundings. 








Because I love the Lion King thiiiiiiiis much

The Grand Adventure of Staying Behind

A couple weeks ago I was talking with my dear friend Laura Katherine and I mentioned to her how there are a few people I always keep "on my radar," meaning I'm always aware of them in a room and in my prayers. I quietly watch over these people because I love them best.

"Who are you talking about?" she asked.
"Oh, Abby, Nathaniel, you..." said I.
"So, basically your family," she laughed.

Yeah, pretty much.

She's going away to college this week. I am excited for her. This is good, this feels so solidly right that there is no doubt God has grandly orchestrated it. She will learn and grow -- and she will help others learn and grow. I am certain that her presence there will be an unlooked-for answer to prayer for some of the people around her.

I know this because she is such an important part of my own growing and learning. Her fingerprints are all over my life: books and letters and drawings clutter up the nooks in my room. More than that, she is a teacher, confidante, playmate, sounding board, bosom friend. So much of me is made from what I've learned from her.

Part of me is freaking out that she's leaving. Who will I watch over? Who will watch over me?

God is still sovereign, even over goodbyes. And I remind myself that this is in no way a goodbye, it's a "see you soon." I mourn the end of a season but I look forward to different seasons.

For now, I am here... on a grand adventure at home.

Our Prom Date... sort of.

High Fives and Trust Falls

Have you ever gone in for a high five and your partner in crime jerks away at the last second? To the other person, it's a haha-gotchya! moment, but to me, it's BETRAYAL.

It's a betrayal because I am very, very bad at high fives. I go up, I line up, I mess up. My coordination is just that lame. Yes, I've tried the trick of watching the other person's elbow. IT DOESN'T WORK GUYS. Instead of crisply smacking my partner's palm with my own fleshy extremity, I aim for their elbow. It results in an awkward chase as my hand goes down and they try to follow. I can't tell you how many of my high fives go like this:

"High five!"
"Yeah!"
*awkward chase*
"Oh, let's try that again."

Despite this, I always give it my all. I love high fives. They're the all-purpose contact sport of communication. You just had a baby? High five!  Saying goodbye to a random acquaintance and you don't want to hug them? High five!  It's time for ice cream? High fives all around!  And when you give a really good high five, the kind that makes a sharp cracking sound and your palm sting a little but not too much, you achieve high five mastery for the day. It's pretty much worthy of another high five.

So when somebody pulls that haha-gotchya! thing on me, I really feel hurt. Not because they just made me look even stupider than I usually do during a high five. It's because when we're winding up for a high five, it's a commitment. I'm going to smack your hand and you're going to smack mine. We have entered a morally binding contract until smacking do us part. If you pull that high five, you have essentially served me divorce papers. I'm taking the house AND the kids!

Don't do this, people. If you were doing trust falls, would you hold your arms out until your partner turned around but then let them fall to the ground? No. You wouldn't, because that would be a betrayal.


What they do? They're smiling in your face!

Catch and Release Part 2

I'm really terrible at putting things down.


By "things" I don't mean physical things. I'm talking about spiritual things. I clutch all my struggles right to my chest. I don't show them to anybody. Sometimes I pretend that if I hold them so closely in my hands until I can't see them, maybe they don't exist. 

God has other plans for me.


I'll take that, He says.


NOOOOO!!!!!  I scream. I don't want to give it up! I want to anguish over it!!


Cast your burden on the LORD, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved.¹ Give it over, Emma.


It's not that bad, I rationalize. I can handle this. Just give me a minute. 


Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.² Emma, you do not have this under control.


I don't want to trouble You with this. It's really nothing. I begin to waver. Are You sure this is worth Your time?


Blessed be the Lord, Who daily bears us up; God is our salvation.³ Yes, I'm sure. Lay that burden right at my feet.

I wrestle it out with God. At last, I lay it down. I am worn out and all I have left is to give this struggle over to You. It's a relief and I always feel better when I let go and let God. But do you know what I do next?

I PICK IT BACK UP!!!

Why do I do that? 

I forget God's faithfulness. I agonize over laying my burden down, but once it's out of my hands, I think, Maybe God forgot about me. 

Not so!

"As for You, O LORD, You will not restrain Your mercy from me; Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness will ever preserve me!" -Psalm 40:11

"For the word of the LORD is upright, and all His work is done in faithfulness." -Psalm 33:4

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." -Lamentations 3:22-23

Let's be real here. I'm going to wrestle with God while I'm still on this earth. Sin is no joke. But by God's grace I hope I can learn to leave my cares at the foot of the cross. 

1 - Psalm 55:22

2 - 1 Peter 5:6-7

3 - Psalm 68:19

We worship with the sound of broken shackles falling to the ground.

Instant Love: Just Add Newborn

I've never fallen in love before.

Everybody that I love now, I've grown into loving. It's an organic process that just takes time -- and honestly, I've always considered love as much a decision as an emotion. So all my lovelies are actually people that I've decided to love because they're worth the effort.

I DIGRESS!

Zachary Dale. 

I'm pretty sure the poles of the earth shifted a little bit because as soon as that little squishy alien thing was in my arms, I was holding the center of the universe. I didn't have a choice; I absolutely, irrevocably, and undeniably fell in love. It was exciting and happy and over-the-moon-ish, but it was also very serious.

Serious because for the rest of my life, I will love that boy and there is nothing that anybody can do that will ever change that.

And can I just take this opportunity to say I TOLD YOU SO! Obviously Zachary and I have a bond and I knew he was a he all along. :)

You're just too good to be true.

Weakness Leaving the Body

Alright alright, I'm a wimp.

I don't like getting hurt, it's really just that simple. I do an extremely low-impact workout. I blow on my tea before sipping. I collect novelty band-aids because everybody knows a cut heals faster when it's covered by Optimus Prime.

However, after the disaster that was last week's game and my new-found resolution that I'm not a quitter, I decided to really try to be aggressive at this whole volleyball thing. About twenty minutes into the first match and I said, "Wow, this hurts."

"Embrace the pain!" the guys laughed, obviously amused that I was suffering over something kind of pathetic.

Okay, I thought. Embrace the pain. I can do that. I'm not a quitter. RAWR!

I embraced that pain and I went after that ball. Except, you guys, I'm really not that great at depth perception. That's why I do hair: it's all close to me and I don't have to guess trajectories and speeds and spins on the fly. So pretty soon, I got hit in the face by a supersonic volleyball.

HOLD THE PHONE!

Um, I did not sign up for this. I had a little moment in my head that went something like this: Waaaahhhhhhh!!!  I had really thought my days of getting bludgeoned by sports equipment were long over. Not so!

I collected myself and carried on. Despite a sudden headache, I was still embracing pain. I think it was actually my ornery streak coming out and saying, haha everybody expects me to fall apart so I'm NOT just to spite them. That's kind of silly because nobody really expected me to fall apart, but sometimes I just gotta draw strength from wherever I can.

After the last match we ran some "terror drills" which were basically comprised of Isaac reigning big scary serves at me and Miriam so that we could conquer our fear.

"Pretend the volleyball is Aveda!" Mom called from the sidelines.

That's when I got serious, y'all.

Now it's the morning after.

MY ARMS HURT.

Embrace the pain, my foot! This is not okay! :(

My favourite lyric is *instrumental*

Surprised by Joy

You know how sometimes you're really scared that things are going to be horrible but then it turns out that things are totally awesome?

That's what work has been like!

I was soooo nervous the night before. Oh no they're going to hate me. I'm going to ruin everything and they're all just going to hate me. And even though my first day was sort of awkward and I didn't know where to go and I dropped a lot of stuff, it was okay. Now that the first week is done, I feel like I have a good grasp on things. Next week I'm going to start creeping more.

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

Erica - One of the owners. She's a little quiet and I couldn't get a read on her for awhile but I like her a lot. She's down to earth and really good at what she does. Teal.

Renee - The other owner. I mostly work with her and she's a handful and a half. Maroon.

Tracy - Used to be the assistant, now a stylist! Super super nice, she basically gave me the enV crash course. Rose-red?

Tracey - Salon manager. Hilarious. Orange.

Brie - Receptionist. She's one of those pretty, perfect people that you're a little bit scared of but then you love because they're actually really nice. Lavender.

Darrell - Mkay apparently he hates meeting new people, but he's been nothing but nice. On my first day I dropped a ton of stuff around him, then lost to a colour tray and had to ask him for help -- and he didn't give me the you so stupid look. He always speaks softly. Yellow, but sometimes light green.

Hayley - I just saw her on my first day before she went out of town to a wedding. She seemed really nice, but at this point I'm pretty sure everybody at enV is nice. :) Dark green.

Tara - So, I seem to accidentally get in her way a lot...? But she's always been (wait for it) nice about it. Red/orange.

It's clear we're going to get along!