I'm really terrible at putting things down.
By "things" I don't mean physical things. I'm talking about spiritual things. I clutch all my struggles right to my chest. I don't show them to anybody. Sometimes I pretend that if I hold them so closely in my hands until I can't see them, maybe they don't exist.
God has other plans for me.
I'll take that, He says.
NOOOOO!!!!! I scream. I don't want to give it up! I want to anguish over it!!
Cast your burden on the LORD, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved.1 Give it over, Emma.
It's not that bad, I rationalize. I can handle this. Just give me a minute.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.2 Emma, you do not have this under control.
I don't want to trouble You with this. It's really nothing. I begin to waver. Are You sure this is worth Your time?
Blessed be the Lord, Who daily bears us up; God is our salvation.3 Yes, I'm sure. Lay that burden right at my feet.
I wrestle it out with God. At last, I lay it down. I am worn out and all I have left is to give this struggle over to You. It's a relief and I always feel better when I let go and let God. But do you know what I do next?
I PICK IT BACK UP!!!
Why do I do that?
I forget God's faithfulness. I agonize over laying my burden down, but once it's out of my hands, I think, Maybe God forgot about me.
"As for You, O LORD, You will not restrain Your mercy from me; Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness will ever preserve me!" -Psalm 40:11
"For the word of the LORD is upright, and all His work is done in faithfulness." -Psalm 33:4
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." -Lamentations 3:22-23
Let's be real here. I'm going to wrestle with God while I'm still on this earth. Sin is no joke. But by God's grace I hope I can learn to leave my cares at the foot of the cross.
1 - Psalm 55:22